if only i were able to take everything in my head and form it into words. undo the unexplainable and let all my feelings free. but i cannot. they stay jumbled up inside waiting for the urge of an action to release them. these actions which i fight. it is one big circle, fighting the action leads to emotions which get stuck.

my mind is a mess.

if i could read everyones mind then life would be stright. well not straight, not at all it would be very far from straight, but life would be in order. i would know how everyone felt about me and i would not have to annalize anything. maybe life would be pointless then, at least for me. my life is analizing things and if i didnt have that where would my thoughts be. maybe i would be content in the world and jsut be. while im just being i would be happy. i find this feeling at random moments lately. its so new and so great that i jsut can not control my action of smiling.

im going after two girls at one time. two for sure. another has not made itself to be yet. my thoughts are still scattered beyond figuring. really its only one girl. and she confuses me. im not sexual. nope. i need to find a means that i can talk to her about everything with us. my mind is mostly clear on that, but its her that seems lost. i need to leave her flowers.